I created this blog several months ago but never posted anything... so long ago that I had to change my blog design tonight before I could post because I had originally created it with a fall design! I feel like my first blog post should be something deep and significant, about the theme of my blog or motivation for having one or something. The truth is, my blog doesn't have a theme, and my only motivation for creating a blog is that I enjoy reading them. So my first post is simply going to be the one thing that I've thought over and over, "I'd like to write a blog post about that some day." Rather than being deep... it is probably just going to be long! It's about a series of big events in my life and how, looking back, God's hand is so beautifully apparent throughout the timeline. He was working, glorifying Himself and being gracious enough to bless me in the process. It's a story that I wish I could share with people every day! One disclaimer, however: I don't want me sharing the amazing results of this period of God's work in my life to make it sound like only when things are going "my way" is God working or blessing. I believe and know it to be true that God is ALWAYS working, always glorifying Himself, and always blessing us. Even in times when we feel anything but blessed, we are oh so blessed, and God is oh so good. Okay, here we go! (You might want to go take a restroom break and grab a snack! This could take a while.)
In February 2007, my sweet cousin (on my mom's side of the family) was in college at the U of A in Fayetteville and found a church she wanted to join. She had been a believer and active in church for several years but had never been baptized. So Christina let us know she was going to be baptized, and the whole family made plans to make the trip to Fayetteville that weekend. The Wednesday before she was to be baptized, I was on my way to Bible study, and I got a call from my sister (who lives in Wisconsin). She explained that she and her husband had discussed it and really wanted my sister to be able to attend Christina's baptism. So, as we spoke, she was entering her bid on a priceline ticket from Madison to Fayetteville for the upcoming weekend. She cautioned me not to get too excited, as she was entering a very low bid and doubted if it would be accepted. We waited while William Shatner worked his magic, and sure enough, she got a ticket! I was ecstatic! I was going to see my sister in only 3 days! She called my parents to let them know, and we planned to leave Conway early enough Saturday morning to pick her up at NWA airport later that day. Snow was forecasted in the midwest for that weekend, but who was worried?? It snows all winter in the midwest, and they don't have to cancel flights too often.
On our way to Fayetteville, my sister called and I could tell she was crying. She explained that they had already gotten lots of snow and it was still falling, and that her flight out of Madison had been canceled, and she wouldn't be able to get another flight. Nor were the roads in good enough shape that my brother-in-law could take her to Chicago to try to catch a flight out of there. I told my parents, and we were all pretty bummed. We went on to Fayetteville and managed to still have a wonderful weekend. My sister's flight was non-refundable since she had bought in Priceline, but American Airlines was gracious enough to give her a voucher for a round trip ticket from Madison to Fayetteville to be used any time within the next year. But I remember thinking, "God if you weren't going to let her come, why did you let Priceline accept the offer in the first place? Why did You get our hopes up, knowing we were going to be so disappointed???"
The following month, my mother had planned an 85th birthday party for my Pappaw (my dad's dad) to take place in Batesville the Saturday at the end of Spring Break. My sister considered using her ticket to come to Arkansas for that party but also thought about waiting until fall and flying in to Fayetteville to go to Razorback football game with the family or something. She decided to go ahead and come in for the party since it was a pretty big event. So Thursday (I think) of Spring Break, my mother and I drove to Fayetteville and picked my sister up from the airport and brought her back to Conway. Then Saturday we went to Batesville for the party, and my sister was able to see lots of my dad's family, including several cousins and my dad's dad and step-mom (who was "Grandma" to us, as she married my Pappaw before I was born). She also got to see my mom's parents for a while, as they came up for the party. My sister's flight out of Fayetteville was EARLY Monday morning, so Sunday evening, my Grandmother and Poppa (mom's parents) drove her to Fayetteville, took her to dinner, and they all stayed in a hotel to get her to the airport early enough the next morning.
Less than 2 months later, in May, my Granmda got very sick and passed away within a week (on my sister's birthday, to be exact). We knew her health wasn't the best, but it was still a little sudden and we were so sad. My sister was in the middle of a huge, very important, can't-miss-it kind of project at work so she was not able to come to Arkansas for the funeral. We talked, though, about how grateful she was that she had come in March and been able to see our Grandma one last time at the party. Well, coincidentally I had bought a plane ticket to go visit my sister for a few days, and I was scheduled to fly out early in the morning May 25th, which was the date of the funeral home visitation. Of course, I had bought the ticket on Priceline (when will we learn?!) so I couldn't change or refund my ticket. To go on the trip at all, I would have to miss my Grandma's visitation and funeral. It was a very difficult decision, as I also wanted to go be with my sister and knew it would be good for us to have that time together after losing our Grandma.
I finally decided to go ahead and go on my trip after everyone in the family encouraged me to. But I didn't have a total peace about it. The morning I was supposed to leave, my mom and I got up early to go to the airport and then she was going to go on to Batesville for the visitation that evening. As I was brushing my teeth and getting ready to load the car, my phone rang. It was the airline. The lady explained that my flight out of Little Rock was delayed and that it would result in me missing my connecting flight in Chicago. She further explained that since it was Memorial Day weekend, all later flights from Chicago to Madison were full, and she couldn't guarantee me a seat from Chicago to Madison at any time that day. She said I could go on to Chicago and try to go stand-by, or she could guarantee me a flight the next morning. Remember, this was the morning of my Grandma's visitation. Flying the next day would allow me to go to her visitation and still go on my trip, only having to miss the funeral! I eagerly told the lady that would be fine and got my flight information for the next day. I bet she is still scratching her head about why I was so excited to have a day cut off of my trip! :) This was such a special blessing from God.
After I got back from my trip, I started summer school. I was in grad school at the time. And I had met a friend in grad school named Chris Kelley. One night around the middle of July, while chatting with Chris online, we were debating about something, and I needed the name of one of his friends to make my point seem more realistic. So I went to his myspace page (yeah, this was back in the day) and looked at his top friends. There was one named Clint. And I happened to notice he was kinda cute. So I made my point to Chris with, "Well, what if your friend Clint blah blah blah?" and also may or may not have casually mentioned that he was kind of cute. Chris told me I should add him on myspace. I told him no way, that would make me seem crazy. Then, in a stroke of brilliance insanity God's sovereignty, I decided to poke him on facebook instead. That would seem much less crazy, right? So I went to his profile and clicked the poke button. No kidding. You can't make this stuff up. Clint ended up poking me back so I added him as a friend. I figured I may as well, since we were already poke buddies. We began chatting online, just chit-chatting, shooting the breeze. Chris has cautioned me that he didn't think Clint and I would get along very well and also explained Clint was not a Christian, and he knew that was something that would be important to me in someone I was interested in dating. So from the beginning, I was honestly just looking at this as making a new friend. I never intended to try to date him. But I did enjoy talking to him--he was just a genuinely nice person.
Several days later, on the night of July 23 (2 months to the day after my Grandma died), I had stayed up late studying and doing homework. (I was taking two classes in Summer 2...after already having done two classes in Summer 1. So you can imagine they were pretty rigorous.) I had finally gone to bed about 12:30 the night of July 23/morning of July 24. Around 1:30 or 2:00 in the morning, my dad came in my room and woke me up to tell me that they were headed to the hospital. My grandmother had been in the hospital having some tests run due to blood count problems and some serious pain. My dad explained that my Poppa had called and, "They can't get grandmother to wake up." Those words cause me to choke up even now. My head began spinning. They can't get her to wake up? So, she's just passed out...that doesn't sound too bad. They can't get her to wake up??? Well, tell them to try harder!! A million thoughts were running through my head. My dad told me not to worry about coming to the hospital because things were too unknown right now. Well, I certainly couldn't go back to sleep.
So I got online. Clint signed out just as I got online, and for some reason I was disappointed not to be able to talk to him, even though I didn't even know him. Chris was online, and I told him what had just happened. He expressed appropriate sympathy and encouraged me to think about going on to the hospital so I could be with my family instead of home alone. I took his advice and called my dad to let him know I was on my way. He came out and met me at the ER entrance when I got there and walked me through the winding hallways to the CCU waiting room. On the way, he explained that the doctors had gotten my grandmother "stabilized." Whew, that sounded better.
So we sat in the CCU waiting room and waited. And waited. At some point a doctor came out to speak to the family. He gently began with, "Things don't look too good." My. Heart. Stopped. This was the first time that I even allowed myself to consider the idea that my Grandmother, my heroine, one of the strongest ladies I knew, might not make it. My family decided to wait for their regular doctor, Dr. Martin, to come in that morning since we were all still reeling from the news we had gotten, and he would be in within a few hours. He was also a family friend and someone we trusted--we knew he loved my Grandmother almost as much as we did! But the phone calls started. We called my sister in Wisconsin and told them they might need to head to Arkansas. We called my cousin who was at Kaleo in Florida so she could start packing and try to get a compassion fare for an emergency flight home. My aunt had already called my uncle and other cousin who were visiting my uncle's family in Louisiana, and they were on the road home. A few hours later, we called my grandmother's sisters, too. And early in the morning as the hospital began opening, we saw a lady from our church, whose mother was in my grandparents' Sunday school class. We asked Ms. Cindy to call her mother so she could call some of the other church people.
I had class at 8, and because things were so unknown (and because I was an emotional wreck, had barely had any sleep, and wasn't thinking rationally), I decided to try to go to class. Summer school is very intensive, and I didn't know how long my Grandmother might be in the hospital before she passed away. I got to my first class (a class on group therapy, ironically) and broke down trying to tell them what was going on. My professor insisted I go be with my family and not worry about the test we had later that week. What a blessing. I got back to the hospital around 8:30, and that waiting room was F-U-L-L. With some of the most wonderful, loving, caring people in the world, many of them members of Antioch Baptist Church. People came to love on my family like I have never seen before! We learned at some point during all of this that, for some reason, bleeding had started in my Grandmother's brain stem and, due to her low platelets, it hadn't stopped. It had basically filled her brain with blood, and tests had revealed that there was no brain activity. Dr. Martin shared with my family that he believed my Grandmother was already with Jesus and that it was only the machines keeping her alive. He also pointed out that if God wanted to keep her alive, He certainly didn't need our little machines to do so. That made our decision a little easier.
So when we felt like it was time, we told them to turn off the machines, and we waited for the worst news of our lives. My Grandmother passed away that morning around 10-something, I think. Our friends and family embraced us, circled around us, and prayed with us, and then we began the journey out of the hospital with one less person than we had planned. I went home and spent the day trying to process everything. And worried sick about how my Poppa was going to make it without his beloved bride of almost 56 years. People came by our house throughout the day, bringing us food and loving on us. I was so ready for my sister and my cousins to get there! I don't really remember what I spent my time doing that day--I couldn't sleep, and I couldn't eat. But I do remember that at around 5:00 that evening, several people were there who had brought food and after visiting a while, I knew I needed some time to myself. So I excused myself and went to my room and got on my computer.
Guess who happened to be online. That's right. Clint. I messaged him, and we chatted for a while. He let me just pour out my heart about everything that had happened in the past 18 or so hours. Which was exactly what I needed at that point. Someone to listen. I didn't feel like I could pour all my feelings out to my family because they were doing their own grieving. Clint was such a good listener... er... reader. And at one point, he said something I'll never forget. He simply said, "Man, today must have sucked for you." He was SO. RIGHT. That was really the only way to sum it up. And to just have someone validate and reflect my feelings was such a blessing.
My sister arrived a couple of hours later, and I know at some point within the next few days, we discussed yet again what a blessing it was that she came in for my Pappaw's birthday party in March. Because she'd had that whole drive to Fayetteville and evening there, just her and my Poppa and Grandmother. I know she treasures that last time with my Grandmother, even now. You see, if she had been able to come on the original trip in February, she would have seen my Grandmother a little but not nearly as much, and she wouldn't have seen my Grandma at all. And if she hadn't bought that flight and gotten that voucher, she probably wouldn't have come in for that party. God was working. What a lack of faith I'd had!
God blessed in so many ways, and graciously allowed us to get through losing my Grandmother. Over the next few weeks, Clint and I kept chatting online. Still completely as friends. But he was one of the nicest people I had ever met (or not met yet, since we were still only chatting), and I knew I was beginning to care about him as a friend. Remembering that the only thing that kept me sane through losing my Grandmother was knowing that I would see her again some day, and also remembering Chris telling me that Clint wasn't a Christian, I decided I needed to talk to him about this.
One night, I just simply asked him if he was saved. His response puzzled me: "No, I'm not, but I'm trying to be." I began to realize that he was trying to get his life in order to be more presentable to be saved. As my brother-in-law is a much better teacher than I am (or maybe as a cop-out that God honored anyway), I sent Clint a link to a sermon my brother-in-law had preached at their church in Wisconsin that discussed that very thing. A day or two later, I asked Clint if he had listened to the sermon, and he said he had. I asked him what his thoughts were on the issue now, and he told me that he had been saved that day!!!! Wow. What a blessing! I would get to spend eternity in heaven with this new friend. I think I even made a comment that if we never met each other in person, we would at least meet in heaven.
Our friendship continued, and I saw in Clint growth and maturity occurring so rapidly. It quickly became clear that his was a genuine conversion to faith, not just an emotional praying of a prayer and never entering a church again. He almost immediately had a level of discernment for truth that many people don't have after being Christians for years. It was obvious that God had placed a very special hand on Clint. I was honored to know him. As our friendship grew and his faith matured, we slowly began to realize that we were possibly becoming interested in each other as more than friends. I should stop here and mention that during this time, Clint was 20 years old, and I was 25. I felt sort of crazy for being so interested in someone I had never met. I was very well aware that if a friend told me she was interested in a guy from the internet who was 5 years younger and who was a pretty new believer, I would tell her to back away from the red flags. But for some reason, I. Could. Not. Stop. Thinking. About. This. Guy.
We knew people would think we were crazy and discussed maybe trying to meet "in a couple of years" when the age difference wouldn't seem like quite such a big deal, if we were both still single. After a few more months, it was clear that we weren't willing to wait that long to see if this would actually turn into something. I began discussing this with my parents (I know I was 25, but I was living at home while I was in grad school, and I wanted to respect them). They weren't exactly jazzed about the idea at first. But over time, God in His good providence worked things out, and my parents agreed for me to stop in Texarkana (oh yeah, he also lived in Texarkana--3 hours away from me) and meet Clint one Friday in November when I was headed to Dallas for my aunt and uncle's 40th anniversary party. My parents were already going to be in Dallas, but I was going later because I had to go to class that morning. They gave me strict limits--meet at a public place, stay at that place, don't get in the car together, etc. We did have a mutual friend in Chris, and my mom worked with Chris's brother-in-law so Clint was slightly less than a random stranger.
On November 9, 2007, I went to class, listened to a lot of presentations on academic or behavioral interventions, made my presentation, then hit the road! I was nervous and excited! Clint and I reasoned that if things were completely awkward and terrible, we never had to see each other again. So how bad could it be? We met in the Target parking lot in Texarkana. It was a beautiful, sunny day with a light wind--perfect for standing in a parking lot and talking for a LOOOONG time. Being with Clint in person was even better than talking to him on the phone (which I failed to mention we started doing at some point during the past few months) or on the computer. I already missed him so much when I had to leave to go on to Dallas that day, but I stopped on my way back through coming home from Dallas that Sunday. And the following Saturday, I met Clint in Little Rock and he took me on an actual date. Things continued from then on. It wasn't long at all before I had a pretty good idea that I was going to marry this man. I always thought the whole, "When you meet the one, you know" was just romantic silliness, but my, how true it was! I finally understood that. We saw each other when ever we could and talked on the phone every day. For a long time. Thank goodness for AT&T mobile-to-mobile! He met my family a few days after Christmas that year, and, although looking back, it seems pretty risky, he moved to Conway the next July to start school at CBC that August. We got engaged the next June, married the next August, and today I have been married to that incredible man for 1 year, 6 months, and 1 day. And I can honestly say that I love him more every single day. Every day. He is the most Godly man I know, and when I really stop and think about it, I still can't believe he picked me to spend the rest of his life with. We are going to our second Family Life Weekend to Remember marriage conference in a few weeks. God has blessed us with such a wonderful marriage and so many tools and resources to really try to do marriage the way He designed it to be. And remember that this all came from a facebook poke and a friendship deepened by the loss of my Grandmother. Talk about God's sovereignty and goodness!
So I know that was THE longest blog post in the history of blog posts. And I promise they won't all be that long. But if you actually read through the whole thing, you can see how every piece of it is inter-connected and why it's impossible to break it apart into different pieces to share. So there you go.
